different things people be tellin me. :(
but it's either stay or go.

srsly , i hate being the center of attention ,
i just wanna to fade in the background. :)

i was never heartbroken ,
because i kept telling myself you were gonna come back.
..
but i guess your not coming back.

'This is a tribute to the nice guys. The ones that finish last, that never become more than friends, the constant whining and bitching about what assholes guys are. This is dedicated to the ones that provide shoulders to lean on, rather than the ones to provide dicks for a bitch's mouth. The guys that constantly hold doors, the ones who give reassuring pats on the back. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute, beautiful, funny, smart, sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is for the guys that have an open mind, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is dedicated to the guys who respect a girl's every facet, to their theology, to their clothing line.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and NEVER take advantage once you're at her door, for the guys who protect and accompany girls at bars from rapists and the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys that provide when she's having the worst day of her life, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys that are accredited boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for the time when she left you 40 text messages on your cellphone, and when you called her back, she spent 3 hours talking about how great her boyfriend is, when you know he's nothing but a jerk that can't treat a woman right. And even then, you reassured her that you were happy for her.

This is for the time she interrupted your best killing spree of 30 in Call of Duty, to rant about how a rumor was made, as to how people thought you were two were going out, and how she thought it was such a silly idea. You laughed your ass off, didn't you? When really, you'd rather jump off a cliff than to listen to her say that.

This is for the time she didn't have a date, and you told her you would be gladly take her. After numerous vows of nothing being serious between you two, you took her to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!" And even though you were only invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.

This is for the guys that are seen as too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, not muscular enough, having acne problems, having bad teeth, having a big nose, bad hair, ugly ears, can't dress to impress, and being just ugly in general. But yet, she won't go out with you even if you were to treat her like she's on top of the world. Bullshit.

This is for: "What do you think of us being together? Sorry, I only see you as a friend."
This is for: "I'm not ready for a relationship." A week later, you find out she fucked your best friend.
This is for: "What do you think of ______? Him? Nahhh, he's like a brother to me."

This is for the guys that give EVERYTHING, but receive nothing.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches.

Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever.

There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgment, and my gratitude go out to you.
You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.'

STOLENOFFFROMSOMEONE,

So you really want to know why I hate writing about girls?! Do you really want to know why? Because no matter how much I write about you, no matter how much, about the good times, the bad times, the times I’d trade my heart for again, I can never write about you… with me.'

course selections

hmm what to do on my birthdaay ?
:|
6 days ! ;]

gotta get back to that cwalk shit , admins on forums begging me to. LMFAO.





"why are you still holding on ? go and move on."
"why do you still try , when you don't even know if she's coming back ?"
"jann , just leave it at that. it's not worth it bro."
"she likes another man. im telling you , your holding on to nothing."
"to tell you the truth , jann , you were always second place to her."
"whatever, do what you gotta do , fam , but i just think it's not worth it. sorry."
"your so stubborn ! when are you going to see the truth that she's not coming back."
"your hurting for nothing."

^ all the questions that i ask myself everyday.

but they don't feel what i feel about her. :|
nobody really understands why i choose to hold on. ;[
whatever , im taking that risk anywaaayss .
i got nothing to lose.

let's risk it all .
i may be lost , 
but pushin forward anyways.

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies.

You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans.

But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love.

It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

Love isn't her calming you down when you yell. It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.

It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are.

You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.

It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway.

Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it.

And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole       

2010. ;]

hope it'll be good. (yn)